you used to be papi to him,
used to be a fucking role model
until your drunkenness returned home with you
on late nights
i lost some respect for you,
but mami always believed.
when mami passed, you were still papi.
you brought along a whore
that smoked as much as she breathed
and invaded privacy,
she lost all my respect that day.
you started yelling,
calling him retarded trash
that was useless, he
learned to put up with it, learned to
breathe despite the weights on his chest
you became Arnold to him
and he learned to distance himself from you.

when you spat on him he
lost all respect, drunken driving
and sleeping around becoming
a cruel duo of a hobby that made him
want to take his own life -
and he did try -
but he failed, earning himself
a high instead.

mami wouldn’t be proud of him.

when you insulted his love for someone
you became a stranger to him,
his gaze fused with glares everytime
it focused on you,
and he learned to hate you.

he grew to hate you.

so i want to watch you smile,
my one and only radiant
star;
there’s something about you that
defeats the hearts and
aches of the past;
makes me forget about the
popping pills of yesteryear.
this day is as important to
me as it is to you.
today marks the day that
the sun to my flower was born,
heart thudding as keys tap rapidly
i have so much to thank you for.
this is your day to shine
your brightest,
your best, your day
is today and i want you to smile your
widest, blush your reddest at
my words,
mine and mine alone.

————
This poem feels so cheap.. But I hope you enjoy it. Happy Birthday. I love you. <3

one: foreplay.
he’d begin by not speaking his mind,
sweet nothings shared only by glance
and actions, as well as
breaths,
he was a thief,
intent on stealing away innocence,
hands tracing the curves and valleys of
an angel’s body;
“lusting is a sin” has lost its meaning by now.

two: intercourse.
it begins slowly, and gasping has
become a rhythm he moves to,
there are short hot breaths against his lips as
they defeat distance in
more ways than one this
is their moment
their time to express their love
and need
and what they crave.

three: afterglow.
climax would lead to bodies
collapsing in a heap,
covered in sheets, they
gasp for eachother’s scent,
hands still roaming their moment
will never end, they’ve
got more romance than
the star-crossed lovers
they’ve
experienced eachother entirely he’s
given up nights of booze and women for him,
for his angel.

————
HEUEHUEHUEH DESTIEL POEM.

take my hand &
i’ll slip a ring onto yours
when you’re not looking,
i want to hear the melodic surprise in your
flawless voice;
the sound of you crying happily
will quench my thirst,
the need to hold you is overwhelming, i
want you to know just how much i need you in my life
and i’ll show you, with this ring, i’ll show you
prove to you that you are my medicine, my drug,
my
dreams and hopes in a human body
the living and breathing goal in my life
eternal happiness to the infinite power
love me
i need you to love me more than
you’ve ever loved before i need you to
let me hold you
ever since you’ve been mine i’ve been
waiting with open arms
for your arrival
with a ring,
i show you just
how much i crave you.

he told her.

told her how he needed to escape,
he needed to run until the fire in his lungs
became an incinerator, how he
skipped pills rather than popping them.
he spent the night in bed
listening to conversations that never occurred
listening to suggestions never made,
watching the walls shiver in anticipation
at what would happen - how would he
explain his foolish actions? he told her.

he crushed her.

crushed her until she crumbled,
he told her he wouldn’t; she wrongly
believed his sugarcoated promises
the sweetness he said sounded legit
he began to believe he was a good liar.
he spent the night in bed
listening to the things that haunted him,
the fear that came with the thought of
losing her, the only one who saved him
the only hand that reached out to him
he suddenly knew what it was like to
have a bullet enter his chest
have a bullet
exit his back

it hurt.

mama, what a daughter you’ve raised
she grew up to be a terrible young man
tantrums to the right and
errors to the left he
is the definition of what it means
to be a fuck up,
mama are you listening?
do you hear him cry when others see him smile?
are you proud of him?
mama,
he’s not proud of himself.
the boy’s looking mighty pale
and he’s had fevers as much as he’s taken breaths of air
inside is a storm when others see a rainbow, mama,
he’s not the beautiful young woman
you wanted him to be.
the boy’s been poppin pills then
skippin’ them,
mama the boy’s been spilling red ink
all over the pink baby blanket you got her
her, not him,
he feels like he’s not living up to what you
wanted her to be,
her to be, not him, mama,
the boy’s been heartbroken as much as he’s taken breaths of air
he’s been playing alone ever since he was a little she
at least she knew how to smile
he
he learned how to imitate it just for you,
mama,
are you proud of your little boy?
mama,
he’s not proud of himself.

so there’s this little problem, right?
i think it’s been ever since we met.
elevated blood pressure
and shortness of breath have astounded me,
leaving me in tears of
sudden euphoria
i don’t know what these symptoms mean,
i grow dazed when i’m with you,
palms sweating with anxiety.
it’s been like this ever since we met,
and i know this disease
i know what it is, but i
didn’t think i’d ever catch it again i
don’t have any regrets
don’t have any want for medicine
because i’m a masochist, dear,
and love’s my disease.

i knew only anxiety that day,
heart racing as i admitted to you
everything that raced across my mind
the hints, all of those clues i denied them
told myself they meant nothing and i was
being too hopeful
before those words, i was a wreck
wondering if i even stood a chance
with such an ethereal being
i could not help but try to imagine us together,
a curtain of rose falling over my features
i knew only affection that day,
when i asked you to be mine
i greeted happiness
before that promise, i was a mere child
now i’ve grown to see what i mess i was,
regret filling me to the brim
i knew only shame that day,
shame that you took away with a smile
and soon, you eliminated with
a confession
i knew only joy that day
how my heart raced for tipsy words
i remember it all clearly,
laughing at drunken typing
i used to hate the sun-kissed season
but you aided me through the storm
and now i realized that with you
i know only love

————
Happy Two Months. <3

you are a sea of stars in which i lost my path; eyes shut like they got sand in ‘em, wandering with arms out fingers groping at air, trying to cop a feel of life; trying to touch whatever the hell came into reach.

i’d like to think i could write worth shit ‘cause this ain’t got nothin on what you make me feel; the things you’ve made me experience are colors i’ve never seen before, a brand new spectrum of light opening up before my eyes somethin i want to taste is in those colors, those lips of yours.

so i’d call you a racecar not only for the fact that you seem lively but because i’m sappy as one can be, and baby you’re racin in my mind like my heart is racin for your words, those few words, the “i love you”s and the “baby”s got me breathin like i’ve gotten some, gasping for that cool post-hurricane breeze.

————
<3

i want you to tie this string
around your pinky,
this end will be on mine this
is a promise i’m making.
a promise,
you’ll be stuck with me forever
if not by love, by bond,
if not by bond, by soul i
am telling you now that you’ve got me
right here
for as long as i live i will not tolerate
letting you go

i’ve let far too many people go

i’ve let far too many promises shatter i
want you to know that this i’ll keep
if this breaks, i break
we break
we will not break
i will not let us break
we will stand
together
until the last step leads
to the last breath
i’ve got you
by my side
in my heart
flowing through my veins
we are
connected by this string
i want you to tie this string
around your pinky,
this end will be on mine this
is a promise i’m making.

————
Happy one month. <3