he told her.

told her how he needed to escape,
he needed to run until the fire in his lungs
became an incinerator, how he
skipped pills rather than popping them.
he spent the night in bed
listening to conversations that never occurred
listening to suggestions never made,
watching the walls shiver in anticipation
at what would happen - how would he
explain his foolish actions? he told her.

he crushed her.

crushed her until she crumbled,
he told her he wouldn’t; she wrongly
believed his sugarcoated promises
the sweetness he said sounded legit
he began to believe he was a good liar.
he spent the night in bed
listening to the things that haunted him,
the fear that came with the thought of
losing her, the only one who saved him
the only hand that reached out to him
he suddenly knew what it was like to
have a bullet enter his chest
have a bullet
exit his back

it hurt.